the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
