So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
