smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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