Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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