the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
