Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
sex in a hospital.. check
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize