i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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