i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if only i could text you this smell
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
