Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
