just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My dick has a subreddit
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize