There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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