hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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