I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
