it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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