I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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