first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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