I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
