final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
