Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
