Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
