Do you still have your period?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
