Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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