I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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