can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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