YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize