My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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