its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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