I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Quick, to the slutcave!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize