You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
