Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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