I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
