I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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