Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
