It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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