Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
