Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
