My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
