Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
