At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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