I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize