That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
