Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
