Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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