accomplished twins. life is a go
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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