It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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