you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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