no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
