After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this just has baby written all over it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
