oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
