Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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