it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Panties = found
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
