just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
