Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
