you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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