the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
