That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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