Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to cum in my sink.
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