hotel room ftw
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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