so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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