it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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