So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
