My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
be right there i have to get my cape
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
