Plan B is the new Plan A
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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