what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
