I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
