I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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