we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize