dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
