Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
