You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize