I'm jealous of your bromance
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
