There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
