The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize