She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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