And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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