At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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