Got a toothbrush?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my phone needs a breathalizer
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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