Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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