Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize