It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
