my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
