i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
