I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize