His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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