Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
