I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
