Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
