so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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