I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize