I got chris browned last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
