Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
false alarm, still single
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
