Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize