I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
