I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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