I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
