How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
