it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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