There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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