bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
