Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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