So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize