NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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