Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i now understand why vodka
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
