Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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