so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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