Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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