your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
