I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
