She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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