Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
