I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
