dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
