??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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