fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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