I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
