Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
