he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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